There’s this cocktail of self-confidence and ADD that creates a cosmic chemical reaction where I’m able to do something at a very high level for a very short amount of time.
It’s that whole principle of enduring to the end that seems to elude me.
I’m getting better. I make decisions more judiciously than I have in the past while still trying to listen to that voice of passion. If passion had a voice it would be Barry White. It’s just so sultry. In a matter of minutes my conscious, level-headed, logical self can be magically whisked away to a place I never imagined myself. It’s a double-edged sword.
On one hand, nothing in life is guaranteed, right? We need to reach for the stars and for everything we hope for in life because tomorrow we might not have another chance to reach. On the other hand, there’s this whole idea of adult responsibility that can really get in the way sometimes.
Having kids changed everything for me
Suddenly I went from being this dude who could play XBOX for four days in a row during midterms and still cram just enough into his brain at the last minute to walk away from the class with a B. Now, not only are my decisions a little heavier than whether or not I should drink one more Red Bull to power through the next level of Call of Duty, but I’m also in a position where I’m making decisions for a family instead of myself. It’s the weirdest thing and it’s the most amazing thing. The future lives of three little boys will be impacted in a big way by my influence and example.
Thinking about that for too long can cause some serious brain cramping.
Nonetheless, I do think about how I can help them the most. For the longest time I’ve considered “financial security” is what will be most valuable to my boys moving forward.
I’ve been wrong.
It turns out that due to our nation’s economy that any form of perceived financial security is exactly that: perceived. It also turns out that my boys would punch each other in the face for the Happy Meal toy they want before they’d bend over to pick up a fifty dollar bill.
Before that enlightenment, however, I figured this whole solopreneur, online marketing, freelance-every-service-you-can-learn-from-a-book, consulting (sigh), [insert buzzword], thing was what I wanted to do to provide financial freedom for my family.
Blogging is not a business (for me)
What I found is that every time I tried to businessify (you know, turn something into a business) a hobby or something that interested me I ended up hating it. Most of the people I worked with in past endeavors were great but I found that there were just enough thorns to make me jaded against people in general. I started to feel like everyone was out to take advantage. Granted that wasn’t always the case, but that didn’t change the way I was feeling. And I really didn’t want to feel that way. At all.
The things I loved about blogging (the community interaction, the ability to share my voice, the site tweaking, and the daily knowledge gains) were being overshadowed by this “need” to make money and be successful. The fatality ended up being my content. It sucked really bad. In the same way that I know when someone is just throwing poop at the wall to see if it sticks, I could tell that people were starting to notice that I was just flinging poo too (weird analogy but let’s roll with it).
It had nothing to do with the writing itself, which is what I tried to blame it on, but it had to do with the voice behind it. I wasn’t saying anything at all because I thought things were supposed to be done a certain way. My voice was lost because of this expectation that people seem to be held to in the blogging world. A few “authorities” say it has to be done a certain way and we feel like failures if that’s not the way we choose to go about it.
The first step to getting back what I love about blogging is to un-niche. This blog isn’t going to have any focus. It’s going to be ramblings from my life. Sometimes I’ll write 10,000 word articles on how LOL Catz saved the internet and other times I’ll post a YouTube video that made me LOL.
I’m blogging without expectations.
I figure the more freedom I can give myself the more likely I’ll be able to continue following this passion in a way I haven’t been able to with other conquests.
- I’m not monetizing this blog.
- I won’t be providing any services.
- I’m only going to blog when I have something to say. No deadlines.
I’m sure this model makes the blogging experts cringe, but in the words of Young Jeezy, “Imma Do Me” (yes, I just quoted Jeezy).