10 Things I’d Never Want to Review

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- mycoloncleansereviews.com

It looked like a run-of-the-mill spam comment until I saw who it was from. Curiosity got the best of me and I just had to look. Is there really a website with colon cleansing reviews? Seriously? Sure enough, it exists. Luckily the site is more of an overview of the pros and cons of each product than a “Dear Diary, 2 Day TurboClean Ultra was definitely a more aggressive product than I bargained for and I’ll probably never be allowed in a Chuck E. Cheese pizza again” type of site.

Of course that got me thinking: What would be the worst possible products to review firsthand?

And of course, I came up with a few… or ten. Here they are in no particular order:

  1. Glue - Really any type of adhesive would probably be pretty rough to review. That much exposure to glue would definitely kill brain cells, but I’d be even more afraid of any excess glue on my hands during bathroom breaks.
  2. Scented candles - CinnaPearBerryDelightfulFresh Linen isn’t a phrase I ever want to say out loud.
  3. Bulletproof Vests - I don’t think I’d ever write one negative review.
  4. Social Networks - The last thing I want to be is another guy with an opinion about a social network.
  5. Gas station bathrooms - A star rating system doesn’t really seem appropriate here. “Adequate” seems like it would be the best rating possible.
  6. Government cheeses - Truthfully I don’t know if the government really makes cheese, but I swear to you when I was a kid we bought cheese that would not melt. No matter what. It was basically invincible strips of orange plastic. From that day forward it was known in our home as “government cheese.”
  7. Suppositories - duh (also colon cleanses).
  8. Anything with Jillian Michaels - Between GoDaddy and 30 Day Shred that woman has single-handedly ruined my life. I can’t be objective.
  9. Guinea Pigs - I would just really really hate to make any of the less talented or qualified guinea pigs feel bad about themselves.
  10. Daytime Talk Shows - I’d volunteer for the bulletproof vests first.
Now it’s your turn! What are some more things that would be just awful to review?

Comments

  1. says

    Ack! I had to bite my tongue to not LOL as I read this on an (internal) work conference call!

    As for #5, I think a star rating system would be great, like “only Brittney Spears would go here.”

    As for me, I’d say “no thanks” on any adult diaper products.

  2. says

    I have to wonder where those spammers get those comments – do they use a spinner or something?

    I think deoderants would be a tough review. I mean, you can’t smell yourself (usually), so you’d constantly surveying people around you – “do I stink?”

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